Friday, January 15, 2010
Chomp MooOoOoo~ Chomp.
I so FREAKING need to stop spending uncontrollably.. I'm doomed!
The Whining Fat Cow
4:17 AM
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Chomp MooOoOoo~ Chomp.
The one thing that I've learnt from my internship days in China, beside the major process of a textile company does for clothes to be formed is that when seasons change, it rains. Alot.
I told myself than that I will never splurge on clothes unnessarily. It's really a wastage besides money, material as well.
Sadly, the oath has gone down the drain like how memory fails after awhile. Not forgetting the fact I'm earning my own income and I ought to be saving more. I remember once, when m cousin got married, she told me it's really important to save up for it's really an expensive deal. Yes, San san jie jie, you told me that and I still remembered.
However, I'm guilty as charge for not saving enough. I know I could do better but some how, u'll just get sucked in, into this society where temptation is all around.
So much have changed but still, what needs to be changed have not.
Lately, I've felt like the 'dementors' from the 'Harry potter' books have been following me around. The life and joy are all being sucked out of me and I'm being consumed by emptyness and deep loathing to anything and everything.
No, it's not about work. Somehow the best time that I am having now is work, beside that, it's all crap. Off days are just days for me to sleep and run errands. Even when I'm home, I'm confined to my room.
Take for example, I met up with my poly mates yesterday and I was like the mother or all spirit damper. Yes I do know. I was constantly looking at my watch, was barely myself and it was awful. And when the cab I called jus left off without me, I was so pissed that i almost burst into tears.
It's not about the fact that The cab left and i was being spoilt for not being able to wait but jus the fact that things are all crashing in and that was the last straw.
I'm in this phase whereby I'm alienating and putting distance between my friends and I. However, on the other hand, I findd myself to be all needy and clingy. Everytime when I find myself getting close to ppl around me, it seems the further I get and the more I am unable to fit it.
Weird isn't it. At this age, I'm still worried about fitting in.
After being in this awful period, I've come to realise, it's the changes that I am trying to adapt because part of me, I'm really reluactant but on the other hand I really wish that it happens. Friends come and go, and we each have a life to go on. I used to pestered people to go out whenever it's my off day and then I come to realise that I'm being really selfish.
Who am I to make everyone fit in to my schedule?
Hence, I decided it really time for me to stop being selfish.
There's just been so much going on. In the past I still have my sister to talk to and thrash things out but lately, she may be around but she not really around around, u get what I mean? I beginning to miss her as well. Home is not so much as a haven for me of late. I have my resentments, alot of it actually, but who am I to make a point. Afterall, I'm barely home but i do have the dying urge to rent a place and move out on mny own.
This is just one of the storming season jus like winter breaking into spring, similarly, it's just me adapting to changes in my life. If any of u are wondering that is.
The Whining Fat Cow
6:13 PM